my post for permission

My post for Permission

"Don't do it for the crowd" is a suggestion I will often share with friends who are curating something of their own creative desires — a dinner party, a yoga playlist, or even simply an outfit. Yet, I know the feeling of caring so much that the perception of others can get in the way of full, authentic expression. Actually, I'm feeling that exact resistance right now as I'm writing this.

I write or journal daily (almost) to examine my feelings, process trauma, and find clarity for myself. However, more recently I've made the goal to write more publicly. I'm really excited to share ideas, revelations, and things that are inspiring to me to become a higher version of myself, that is rooted in loving kindness. See, that's where I see it is keeping me from publishing anything, actually. I fear that I might be perceived as someone who thinks they're more godly than others, someone who thinks they haven't made mistakes, or, in simpler terms, a person with the biggest ego ever.

I'm aware that these are fears, and I recognize that these few statements simply cannot sum up my entire, complex 25 years of being a little human on planet Earth. Therefore, I struggle to find a specific topic to write about, just to get started.

A story I told myself growing up (age 15-19) was that I was bad at writing and reading. In my English classes I felt that the topics that were assigned to write were always attached to a number or grade that, in return, defined my worth as a human. So why “do something” that I’m “bad” at? I cared more about performance and pleasing the teacher rather than writing from my deepest truth. As an adult, I sense that same fear lingering in the background of things. Writing and releasing something publicly, almost sends me back into that space when I was in high school.

However, I recognize as an adult who is very much responsible for her own perception of self and life! That is not a story I can continue to tell myself if I have the intention of sharing my lived experience in the hopes of inspiring people to bring themselves closer to themselves or to the beings around them. Right. So there we are with my intention.

However, if I were to analyze that specific intention, perhaps there's a piece or part where I'm, “doing it for the crowd”, in hopes to inspire others rather than just sharing my lived experience as is.

The ideas I'm most interested in exploring at this moment in time are mindfulness, mindsets, motivation, optimism, meditation, manifestation, awareness, intention, attention, addiction, peace, the mind/body/soul connection, purpose, system reformation, communication, alignment, authenticity, wisdom, arts, the left and right brain, psychology, philosophy, and overall the human nature. I will share the way all these things have impacted my way of living and explore perspectives that will live on my website as a part of one of the many ways I express myself as said complex human being (aka long version of saying portfolio). How I will navigate the way in which I communicate those things, we shall see!

By starting today, I'm granting myself the permission to just start somewhere.  I have no expectations on where this will lead, but my deepest truth and higher self feels called to share the insights, wisdom, experiences I have learned in this lifetime. And with that, I will honor my intuition.

I cannot wait to see what will unfold.

Fuck it we start today!